What's MY Ideal Body?!

Apparently there are limitations to the $5 wifi on SW Air….I can get to blogger, but I couldn’t write a new blog post, so I’m writing it in Word and I’ll copy it in later.  Keeping it old school! I was even going to start the post out all giddy and immature to be blogging in the air somewhere over the great state of Iowa!

Anyway, I could read back to the last post where I indicated that I was going to blog daily…sorry.  I wasn’t avoiding doing it, I was just flat out busy!  I wish I had time to enjoy the sites of Denver on one of these trips, but by the time I get home from the office, I’m in no mood to do much.  I did however make good use of the gym and of the kitchen!  I got my ducks in a row before I even checked in and went grocery shopping.  Got enough food to last me the week and did some cooking for dinners.  Lunch was a bit tricky since I realized I had nothing to transport my food in.  Back out to the store to pick up some baggies – it wasn’t always neat, but it worked.  So food was on task, I exercised and while I wasn’t perfect (we covered that already didn’t we?) it felt WAY better than it did last week.

But that’s not what I wanted to chat about today (even though I wore 2 pairs of pants this week that I could take off without unbuttoning!!! Oh – TMI???!!)  On the FitChixx page tonight the following question was asked – “what is your ideal body...you know the one that you try your hardest to achieve in the gym?”  What’s interesting about this question is that my FitChixx Challenge friend Kasey and I were talking about this over dinner at the beginning of the week.  So it’s been on my mind and I knew that it would be my next blog post.

See, the thing is, I don’t know that I have an “ideal” body.  Sure, sure, I guess I know what I’d LIKE to look like, but since I’ve NEVER even come CLOSE to looking like I would LIKE to look, I just don’t think I can go there.  I promise, this is not an excuse – I also promise this is not me crapping all over myself or filling myself with negative talk.  But for me, having an amazing body, one I worked hard for is like winning the lottery.  Even though I play every once in a while, winning always happens to someone else.

Look, I’ve been overweight all of my life.  Mostly anyway.  And in my head while looking at pictures of toned, hard bodies with tight abs and sculpted thighs, I rationalize why that can’t happen to me.  Please again, don’t misunderstand me – I’m not being all negative, but I’ve got YEARS of skin that’s going to be hanging and I’m pretty sure it won’t be pretty when I lose all of this weight.  It's just too hard to even visualize!  Even with the working out I’m doing.  I’ve actually googled for images of people that might fit my criteria – obese women that are now fit – or – from obese to fit – I still haven’t found what I’m looking for (anyone singing U2 right now cuz I totally am!)  I get that my body might need plastic surgery (and it’s going to have to  STAY needing plastic surgery because I am NOT going under the knife), but ultimately that’s why I can’t wrap my brain about what my ideal body will look like.  Honestly, I just want my body to be a whole lot smaller than it is today.  I want my body to be able to do things in the next 46 years that it’s never done in the first 46 years. I want my body to respond to exercise in a positive way – and not like I was killing it.  I want my body to be around for a long, long time to see my kids grow up and play with my grandkids like I was never able to do with my own kids.  Whaddya know…I guess I do have an ideal body in mind.

Love ya! xoxo

 

Week Two

Welcome to my world...I've been writing this post in my head for the last 2 days.  Seriously, it kept me up last night.

So, if you've read my past blog posts you've read about how I've been unsure about being able to "do this".  My committment level in the past has showed that to me over and over again.  But, I didn't think I'd be dealing with it so early this time.

This was a tough week for me.  I was traveling (1), went through 3 time zones so I was exhausted (2), busy working from first thing in the morning until later in the evening (3), and was in a hotel room without a fridge so I ate out every meal (4)

Needless to say, all of the above added up to straying FAR off plan.  So far off plan that I wasn't even aware that I was on a plan.  Well that's not exactly true.  I was VERY aware of what I was puting in my mouth.  Very aware that just about everything was NOT what I was supposed to be eating.  And each and every bite I told myself "I shouldn't be eating this." Every morning and night I lazed in my hotel room and nagged myself to get up, exercise, DO SOMETHING! And I didn't. 

See, the above numbered statements are excuses.  Something I'm quite good at.  I'm also very good at hiding - which is what I've been doing as well.  I've been too "busy" to write this blog post.  Too "busy" to post on FB to my FUEL Chixx....I barely even read the posts I was beating myself up so badly and felt so much guilt.

A couple of things happened along the way though.  One was a quote I read -

"The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success."

 I realized as soon as I read that just how true it is for me.  I've certainly experienced failure...I"ve covered that already.  I've even experienced success in so many other areas of my life.  Just not in this area at all! I'm not up for exploring the WHY's right now, it's enough just to acknowledge it (although I do have some pretty good insight's into this). 

The other thing I realized is that I've goten myeslf an amazing network of support and I didn't use it AT ALL!!!  I mean seriously. I've got nearly 30 people that I'm going through this with - I have nearly all of their phone numbers to text, I have FB messaging capabilities and they have ALL shown that they CARE about how I'm doing.  And honestly that's what this blog post is about. I pretended this week (by my absence) that all was WONDERFUL when in reality all, well, SUCKED.

I have a plan though.  Which I have to say is more than I've had in the past.  The first part of the plan was writing this blog. As difficult and embarrassing it is for me, I will be posting this.  The second part of this plan came from one of my favorite Chixx....Katie posted this on FB just this morning and I swear, when I'm done with this I'm getting this tattooed on my somewhere or other...

Next part of plan...I'm traveling again this coming week.  Although I had snacks planned out for the trip last week, I didn't do much with everything else.  So, this is what I did this time....I switched my hotel.  Why is that so siginificant? Because this one has a full kitchen. And my PerDiem food allowence includes shopping at the grocery store.  And there is a grocery store right around the corner from my hotel.  So, I've got my FUEL book, I've got my snacks, I've got my corporate credit card and I've got my plan in place.  I'm committing myself - in writing - to blog every day...even if it's just a short post to confirm that I'm on plan.  I'm going to post every day on FB that I've done what I was supposed to do - OR that I fell short of the goals.  I'm going to use the resources and support that I have gathered to the MAX this week. 

So don't let me off the hook friends.  I don't want to slack off at this.  I want to look back at the end of this 13 weeks and know that I did it.  That I accomplished what I set out to do.  Which to be honest with you, isn't a feeling I get very often.

Thanks for sticking with me! xoxo

I Fit!!

So. Want to hear some exciting news? I'm sitting in an airplane on a very long journey and I am in the middle seat. No that's not the exciting part. What's exciting is that the armrests don't need to constantly be pushed down because my hips don't fit in the seat. The seatbelt doesn't need to be all the way extended and I put the tray down to eat my Quest bar and water and it fit all the way down.
May not seem like much to some of you but it's pretty big to me. I fly a lot with my job. And I truly don't mind flying but I'm not particularly comfortable either. Right now. Right at this exact minute I'm comfortable. It's been a long time since I've been comfortable in my own skin. I think I'm liking this!

One Week In

Top five things I learned this week...
 

1. Your quads end at the tops of your knees....know how I know? They are screaming at me after doing SIX HUNDRED SQUATS THIS WEEK.............yes people you heard me right - 600!!
2. Girly pushups totally count...so I did SIXTY-ONE this week!!
3. It's possible to cook breakfast every morning and not just grab a pop-tart to eat.
4. A gallon of water is difficult but not impossible to drink on a daily basis.
5. Exercise actually CAN be fun when your kids do it with you. 

 Believe me, there is SO much more that I learned, but you'd probably be bored if I kept going so I'll spare you.  I'm still in the excited stage.  I lost 7.4 pounds this week and while I'd like to say I'll never see them again, I've learned NOT to say that.  I wish I had the confidence to say it, I do...but history has proven that to not be true.  I'm taking this one day at a time - with an amazing group of women.  We're all different but we all have the same goal.  To get fit, to stay fit and to be the absolute best we can be!  I'm not giving up...not this time...I've got too many people invested in this with me.  I wasn't perfect this week, I struggled and stumbled and I know I will continue to do so.  I'm not looking for perfection - I'm looking for REAL.  And this is REAL.  My body likes the food I'm giving it.  My body loves the new muscles that are being worked (and by the way, I TOTALLY learned why people say "Feel the BURN"  O........M.........G..........). 

So yeah - one week in and I'm still excited and I'm proud of myself! Dare I say I even LOVE myself this week? I think so!

It's OK - I'm Still Alive!

I totally would have written before now IF I HAPPENED TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!

However, since starting FUEL on Sunday(Monday for the workouts) I have lost all ability to write a coherent thought.  How do you like how I put the days of  the week in there - it's not like I started YESTERDAY!!!  Oh wait - I did..

So I thought about writing earlier today, but my arms were like jello and SORE as HECK! My brain wouldn't break through the PAIN and AGONY!  Ok a bit of an exaggeration - but only a bit.  I thought today would be better.  HA...haha....hahahahhahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  That would be a big old NO!!!  O....M.....G.....Let's just say it's a good thing I don't type with my feet.  I'm not even exactly sure I know how I'm going to get up from this chair!

On top of all of this legwork, I've been doing squats for the last 2 days too.  200 of them to be exact...yes, I said TWO HUNDRED!  That's from someone who has never done ONE! And that's ON TOP of today's work out - which included 50 squats, 50 sumo squats, 20 each leg of lunges - reverse, front and side lunges....my quads hurt.  A lot....a lot.....a lot!!

And remember how I told you that I was a runner?  Well I really AM a runner now.  For the last 2 days I've been a real runner.  Well, a real runner that runs for 30 seconds, 1 minute and then 2 minutes...but HEY, it's more than I've done in the past forever! And if I can stretch those seconds into longer and longer minutes I'll have that 5K in no time.  Did I mention that I don't like to run?  Well yeah, I still don't like to run.  I'm hoping that comes with time - and real running shoes.  My feet HURT.  I'm going to a running shop this weekend to be fitted for the best type of shoes.  My feet hurt along the inside of my foot, which leads me to believe I run/walk on the inside of my feet!  Brilliant I know!

So there you have it.  2 days into this and I'm in agony.  I'll push through it though.  I still don't like exercise. I'm still really hoping I'll like exercise the more I do it.  I'm committed though! For 13 weeks baby, I'm COMMITTED!

Two Days Left!!

 

One of the Chixx mentioned that she was nervous about starting and the fear of the lack of motivation.  While I wholeheartedly agree with this I thought I'd examine that fear and hopefully work though it.

So first I decided to look up the word fear - Something that causes feeling of dread or apprehension.  Certainly dread isn't the right word for this. If anything I'm EXCITED about starting this.  Apprehension? Maybe.... The definition of that word is - Uneasy or fearful about something that MIGHT happen...  OK, so what MIGHT happen? I MIGHT FAIL!!!  So I looked up THAT word - To fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired... 

 

AH-HA!  Hammer meet Nail!  Anyone that knows me will tell you that I SUCK at making goals.  Well, I make them but I suck at keeping them!  Which is why I have put my goals out there in such a public way.  But let's break down the definition of FAIL

To fall short of success .....Who's measuring your success?  You? Your friends? Strangers?? If it's not YOU, you need to make it you! I'm going to assume that you've made goals.  Long term goals and Short term goals.  Length of time for this measurement is totally up to YOU (there's that word again).  You've met my long term goals - THE STAIRS and THE RACE.  What I haven't shared are my short term goals - the steps I will need to take in order to meet these long term goals.  I'm not going to bore you with them here - that'll be for another post (translation - I haven't fully made them yet!!!) But as I was thinking about this, I had a bit of a relevation - I can make my short term goals as short as I want to!!!  Brilliant right?!  Go ahead, be in awe! I'll wait a few minutes for you to get that settled in your own mind.

So listen to this - My heart wants to say this "I'm going to work out 7 days a week for 2 hours a day".  Luckily my head has learned to override this nonesense.  Because surely if I set that as a short term goal I'd FAIL. So I'd better not set that.  How about I say TODAY I am going to work out for 2 hours....better but I'm pretty sure I'd FAIL in that too.  I'm going to say TODAY I'm going to WORK out!  Yeah...I'm tired today and I think I'd rather sit on the couch and watch TV....YEP, FAIL. So guess what? (and here comes the brilliance!!!) My goal is to GET UP FROM THE COUCH AND DO 30 SECONDS OF JUMP ROPE!  YES....that goal I can accomplish!!!  so NOT A FAIL!
 


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to start taking control! I CAN change my mind, I CAN switch up my goals and I CAN decide what the definition of success is for ME.

Now lets be realistic shall we? Obviously 30 seconds of jump rope a day isn't going to get me where I need to go. But it just might get me off the couch! And once I'm off the couch who knows what I can accomplish?! There's no need for fear anymore!

Yeah...I Got This!

I'm a RUNNER!

Ok well technically not yet, but I want to be so that should count for something right?

RUNNING....I've made up a poem - well not a poem but - what's the name of that thing when you use the letters of the word to make a...poem I guess.  So yeah - I made up a poem! Here you go...

R - Really? Am I CRAZY??
U - Until now I thought not.
N - Never would I have thought I would consider it.
N - Nothing can stop me but me.
I - I can already sense the fear.
N - NOW is the time!
G - Good Lord help me!

Ok so it's not a good poem, but yes, it's true...I'm going to start RUNNING!! I know - again.  But seriously I am.  Stop laughing, I'm serious! Sigh I know, I know, I've said it before.  I have ran in the past you know! Oh wait - let me amend that statement.  I have "ran" in the past.  Ah, I remember the days - running around the baseball fields! I think it made it 2 weeks before I died! I'm still not sure I'm completely alive yet.

So why am I running? I don't know actually!!  I've always wanted to like running. Always wanted to BE a runner.  What's stopping me you ask?  Well, I hate running!!! But, I hate exercising so I figured that if I hated running and I hated exercise then 2 double negatives should equal a positive right?! Right...so I'm going to RUN.

April 7th there is a race here locally.  A 5K race that I'm going to force ask my kids if they want to do with me.  My daughter will do it for sure, my son - probably not, but I'm going to ask.  There will be a BIG prize for me if I do it...I don't know what it is yet but it's going to be BIG!

OH MY GOODNESS.....
Seriously this is HUGE!

I JUST did the math - well counted on the calendar -

Fuel starts on January 6th
13 weeks later and
Fuel ends on April 7th

My race is April 7th

Can this be anymore a sign from God that I'm supposed to do this??!!  That I WILL do this?!?  I'm so flipping excited!!

OK friends - to recap....
April 6th THE STAIRS
April 7th THE RACE

April 8th - MY DEATH just kidding!!!

....and again.....

Hi, My name is Sue and I'm addicted to starting over..............
This is my 150 millionth time beginning a journey to weight loss and fitness!

So yeah, that kind of says it all.  If I could add up all of the times I've stopped and started I'd think I'd be in negative numbers weight wise! LOL  This is crazy! I don't know why it's so hard for me.  I'll be examining that in these next few weeks as I begin again a new journey - this time with a program called FUEL!  You can find it here - Fit Chixx.

So why is this going to be different?  It may not be!  I'm sure it will be for the first few weeks, but no one will be more surprised than I will be if I stick with it for the entire 13 weeks.  Kind of a defeatist attitude I know, but I'm not feeling much more positive about it at the moment.  I'm going to try though - I'm going to give it my all...again....and I'm going to do my very best to make today the last first day of my fitness journey.

I've got the tools, I've got my goal in place (a perfectly acceptable one I may add) and I've got a great group of women to do this with.  I do wish they weren't so far away as my accountability isn't good from far away, but it's what I have and I'm going to use it, lean on it and learn everything I can. 

Here's my goal for the end of these 13 weeks....



Doesn't look like much does it? It is for me. As soon as I saw these stairs I wanted to cry. I KNEW I wouldn't be able to get up those stairs without being COMPLETELY out of breath and it was going to be SLOW going. Not to mention I had my kids with me and I didn't want them to see me like that....so I took the elevator. I WON'T take the elevator in 13 weeks. I WILL OWN these stairs!

I've also gotten my vision board in place. It was recommended that we make a vision board for 2013.  Now admittedly there is SO much more I could have put on there, but I wanted this to be about fitness so here is mine...

It's not the prettiest board but it's hanging next to my desk where I can look at it as I drink my many gallons of water a day! :D

Ok, that's it. 13 weeks starts on January 6th. I'm going to be a bit behind on the food thing until I can purchase everything I need but I'm going to stick with this for the 13 weeks.  Did you hear me? I'M GOING TO STICK WITH THIS FOR THE 13 WEEKS.